The W-5
My Mission Statement is best summarized by the song The Impossible Dream.  

When I stumbled upon Peter O"Toole playing Don Quixote in the movie Man of LaMancha, it was as tho someone had gotten inside my head and made a movie about what they saw.  I can only hope that in the end my life, my dream, my mission-- is as complete as his.

To Dream: the impossible dream
To Fight: the unbeatable foe
To Bear: with unbearable sorrow,
To Run: where the brave dare not go
To Right: the un-right-able wrong
To Love: pure and chaste from afar
To Try: when your arms are too weary
To Reach: the unreachable star.
This is my quest:
to follow the star,
no matter how hopeless,
no matter how far,
to fight for the right
without question or cause
to be willing to march into Hell
for a Heavenly cause.
And I know,
if I'll only be true
to this glorious quest,
that my heart
will lie peaceful and calm
when I'm laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this:
that one man, scorned and covered with scars,
still strode, with his last ounce of courage,
to reach the unreachable star!

. . .

Forgive me, I am confused by shadows...

The Name
     My spirit name is Hansel.  The one who called it out of me did so quite by accident.  But I have to say, my soul was stirred that day.  Hansel.  The happy wanderer.  At least the goal is to be happy.  By nature, I wander and marvel at the magnificence around me.  There is so much sorrow in the world, sometimesit is just necessary to stop and say a prayer for all the pain, man's injustice to man.  Most of the time, I just mosey about enjoying the fragrant beauty that surrounds me.
     Someone asked me, "Oh, so you are a seeker?"
     "No" was my immediate reply, "I know the destination, I am just enjoying the journey.  I want to see and touch everything along the way.  I want to know about people and ways of life.  I want to share and discuss beliefs.  I know God.  I walk with God-- every day.  How painful would it be not to?!  I guess you could say I am a tourist."

The Hat
     In Texas there is a saying, "big hat, no cattle."  Well, it's not a cowboy hat.  It's not a baseball cap either.  It's not all show.  The hat has character.  People like it.  It's my Hansel hat.  It's sun block a lot of the time, but it's really an elaborate hair net most of the time.  When my hair is down, most of the time the hat is on.  

. . .


To the one who called me by my name,
to the flower of my heart,
to meine Herzblat, I sing:

I have dreamed thee too long,
never seen thee or touched thee,
but known thee with all of my heart.

Half a prayer half a song,
thou hast always been with me
tho we have been always apart.

Dulcenea, Dulcenea

I see Heaven when I see thee,

And your name is like a prayer
the angels whisper,
Dulcenea, Dulcenea.

When I reach out to thee,
do not tremble or shrink
at the touch of my hand on thy hair.

Let my fingers but see,
thou art warm and alive
and no phantom to fate in the end.

Dulcenea, Dulcenea.

I have Sought thee, sung thee dreamed thee,

Now I've found thee and the world shall know thy glory,
Dulcenea, Dulcenea.

I thought the woman who called my spiritual name out & I would be wanderers, together.  I was so excited and hopeful.  I was smitten by the freckles on her nose and the way her mouth hooked when she smiled.  I saw a spiritual Goddess, pure and gentle as a fresh snow.

Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!

     A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them.  She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
    "Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
    "No", she said. "He's out."
    "Then we cannot come in", they replied.
    In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
    The woman went out and invited the men in.
    "We do not go into a House together," they replied.
    "Why is that?" she wanted to know.
    One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
    The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
    His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
    Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love?  Our home will then be filled with love!"
    "Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
    The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
    Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
    The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!"  Where there is pain, we wish you peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubting, we wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through them.  Where there is self-doubting, we wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through them. Where there is fear, we wish you love, and courage.  Now let us fill our home with Love ...   
    "Love is not enough,"
    said the love of my life.

If God is Love,


according to Algebra,

God not enough!

For whom?


I am convinced
by the actions of so many "spiritual" people
that God as we know him
and have been taught to know him
does not exist!

I believe in a creator.
That's where convention & I part.

We are, for example,
 like a woman who is born with all the eggs
she will ever need for reproduction 
I believe we have been given
all the tools we need
by the creator
to accomplish our mission on this earth;
whatever that may be.

I believe that mission
is different for each and every one of us.

I do not believe in interference by a god, of any sort,
nor do I believe in grace of any sort.

I believe we are all individual parts
of the whole.

When one is hurt, it hurts us all.
When one hurts himself,
he hurts the whole.

Love is not the whole answer,
compassion is.
Love is only a small part.

I do not believe in the riteness or wrongness of any religion.
If they are organized,
they are wrong by default,

Consider the children of Abraham.
They are all,
not just the Muslims,
fck'd up!
They are warriors, dissenters, schizophrenics!
Scriptural justification of their actions,
makes God a liar.
Their sermon IS IN their actions.

We do not eat by gods grace;
nor, do I thank god the same god
who lets people suffer and starve
for my meals.

We do not succeed by gods grace
but I am grateful for
and aim to be a good steward of
my talents.

We do not fail because god has a lesson.

We are ultimately accountable for our actions.

We are successful
or not
according to the stewardship
of the tools we have been given.

I have hard proof of these things.

The lesson was painfully learned.

Discovery of this answer
brought me unspeakable peace.

The answer also made me feel
for participating in
organized religion
as long as I did.

When one sneezes, its
not god bless you,
I dont suppose any evil spirits have been released from you,
so i say:
"Gesundheit" or Healthiness!

I am now free to love life
without guilt.
Thanks to:
my many teachers,
esp, the last one.

Hansel:  Under the Umbrella     Dec '12
Hansel & Peter 01.13

New Glasses- an experiment that still hasn't worked.  Jan '13

Obviously not for you.    


     Hansel Blue  

     A friend of mine, one of my oldest and closest friends and probably my best friend has a tendency to give me bad advice.  In a lot of ways, I am actually better off doing the opposite of what he tells me.  In many ways, that's a comfort in itself.  He makes me think, and gives me confidence in my own ability to decide.  Thank you George.  Sincerely, Thank you.  You are always there for me.  You always have a sympathetic ear.  I know you care about me and my well being.  No jealousy, no malice, no agendas.  You simply care.  Thank you so much.  That is worth more than gold.
     After closing on the townhouse, George was one of the first people I showed it to.  The short version of this story is he advised me to get Oyster coloured paint from Sutherlands for the walls.  He said, "It's a great colour, it matches peoples furniture, it's a pre mix,  make it your 'standard' so you'll always know what coulour it is, Paula uses it on all her properties, it's just what you need.  Oyster.  Sutherlands."
     Message Rec'd.  Loud and clear.
     The first project was the Laundry room.  Oyster, as it turns out is a yellow colour.  It would be perfect in a smokers home.  To me, not a happy colour.  In my mind, sunshine yellow is cheery, but I want a warm calming colour for the inside of my rental home.  I want people to be glad to be home, feel calm, rest well and ultimately be energized by the environment.
     Bek & I went to the store in search of a perfect colour.  We kept getting close, but they were all off a tick.  A huge part of the learning curve was eliminated when I asked for the formula for the colour.  Essentially what I did was find the shade of white or blue that I was after and get the formula.  ie: 8 units black, 8 yellow and 12 blue.  After getting the formula for just a few colours I began to see what women are born with the ability to see.  This has yellow, this has red, etc.  Mind you, these are all shades of white.  This conversation whould have been mute 20 years ago with me.  Today, I understand.  
     As luck would have it, the woman at Home Depot was kind, patient and understanding.  It's funny, my mother, who was born and spent formative years in Germany, told me very little about racism.  One of her most racist remarks was, "Older coloured women are generally very good with children."  I distinctly remember asking herwhy she said that, several times and in different ways as to make her thing and she said, "They are very patient."
     This woman, who happened to be of colour, was very kind and patient with this Hansel child.  There were no others who needed serving and in every way it seemed she enjoyed going the extra mile in serving me.  Together, we mixed the perfect shade of  "off white."  We began with a formula and tweeked it a little.  If you take an LED lite and shine it on an absolute white, it has a blueish hue to it.  That's what we cooked up.  I call it Hansel Blue.   We start with a Behr Blah, Blah Tint Base and add to it 8 parts black and 12 parts blue-- the symbol for blue is 'E'.
     If you live in one of my properties, chances are it is what colour your walls will be.  It's lite, cool, soothing, and matches everything.